"KEEP CALM AND REMAIN FIERCE" by Lohla Ramona
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I take my coffee black, but with several sugars. Secretly, I have always preferred tea. Sacrilegiously, I will sometimes drink both in the same sitting. I keep my nails long and crescent shaped. My heels are high like giraffe pussy. I've been painting my face at least as long as I've known what a blowjob is. I don't exist, because the interference of water and motherboards have led me to doubt that a robot and a mermaid could ever procreate; either way, I'm sure that such a conception couldn't feasibly occur in space, and mine did. People to me are works of art. Humanity and creation are one and the same. But most artists leave us with a feeling that they haven't really reached their potential. I am product and producer. I like to make people feel good, but I don't like to make them feel comfortable. It's hard for me to divorce happiness and instability. If you arranged my vocabulary as a rendered word painting, "fuck" would undoubtedly be the focal point. I am destroyed and destroyer. My efforts to institute color into my vision are an attempt to distract from the reality that it is, in fact, all grey. I spell it British cause it's always seemed sadder to me. I feel like grammar is a remnant of some universal experience of synesthesia; my mind is both verbal and visual. I am in love with what things mean, not what they are, and yet vice versa. I've suddenly decided that my world revolves around the phrase "and yet vice versa." Image is always and never, by nature, contradiction. My soul and the world is made of stories and hyperlinks. We are one and the same. Artists are just cultural mirrors. When I asked to be your pulse, you confused me for your heartbeat. Tragedy makes me smile and tears are not what they mean. I removed a sentence containing the word "orgasms" from this space just now because I thought that it might be too personal. Mother, god, goddess, I am a decent human being. I have never been able to marry comfort and happiness. You can read that any way you like. Often when I'm naked, I feel claustrophobic. I am a producer and a destroyer. When I feel trapped, I feel transcendent. My least favorite feeling is "tired." Most of my thinking gets done in the shower. I wrote this in the center of the universe at an hour when the vast majority of everyone I've ever loved was most likely sleeping.